Tales of a Kundalini yoga Virgin!
From the start of this year I have been regularly attending Hatha Yoga class with a fantastic teacher who has taught all over the world. She would chant and challenge us with the postures and teach us how to correctly sing 'om' My friend and myself loved it, very spiritual, not just about exercise, but sadly a couple of months ago she stopped the class, don't blame her really as only me and my friend would turn up most weeks and I understand that it's not good business sense to run a class for just 2 people! So I have been in Yoga limbo land for a while, not being able to find a class on the right day, then I cant quite remember how I came across Kundalini yoga, I think somebody had left some leaflets in the clinic about local Kundalini yoga classes. I knew there were different styles of yoga but I had no idea what Kundalini yoga was so after a little while of should I go, shouldn't I go, I decided to give it a try.
At that particular period of time I was going through the 'spiritual wobble' so was feeling very flat, lifeless and depleted of all energy and enthusiasm (see pervious blog on the spiritual wobble) but myself and a friend decided to go. When we got there we were greeted by a lovely lady all dressed in white including a white headband, who was very passionate about Kundalini yoga. She excitedly told us a bit about how the class would run and a little bit about Kundalini yoga “it's a bit different from other types of yoga” she said. I was thinking how different can it be? So we took our places and unrolled our mats. We 'tuned in' with a mantra that we had to sing, a little odd maybe and then some alternate nostril breathing, ok I've done this before this is ok. Then the first of the asanas (yoga postures) We were instructed to sit on the floor cross legged, put our arms above our head and wave our arms around, in no particular fashion, to the music. I'm thinking to myself what this hec is this arm waving about, why am I doing this. So for the first 5 minutes, which actually seemed like 20 minutes we all sat there waving our arms above our heads to what I can only describe as indian sounding dance music. Did I feel self conscious? kind of yes, but I closed my eyes and went along with it. The next move was to stand up and basically wiggle our hips and wave our hand above our head for another 5 minutes, what on earth am I doing here, I thought, this is madness. I feel like i'm a five year old back in 'music and movement class' I am the kind of person that needs to know EVERYTHING about what I am doing, so i'm wondering what on earth is this doing for me? Things got a little bit more 'normal' after that with some more regular yoga moves although I did not recognise any of them from previous yoga classes. There was lots of breathing involved but not just gentle in and out breaths, it was sharp inhalations and exhalations as each move took place. At the end of the session we all 'tuned out' singing a nice little song called the long time sun, I felt like I was back in the brownies. I was tired and unimpressed, my friend loved it, I was not convinced.
I went home and went to bed, still feeling flat uninspired and a bit down in the dumps. The next day I woke up and sprang out of bed, I felt incredible, positive, happy, like a weight had been lifted, I couldn't believe it, I felt incredible and back to my usual positive happy self, marvellous! My yoga teacher messaged me later that day to say that she hoped I enjoyed the class, I messaged her back saying how terrific I felt. I had changed my mind about Kundalini yoga in an instant. For the whole day I felt incredible, on a high. I found that it really worked for me on a energetic level, like it shifted something that needed to be shifted, all that arm waving and hip shaking had blow away the cobwebs indeed. I am now on a quest to find out what how Kundalini affects the body, this is taken from the kindaliniyoga.org.uk website
'Kundalini Yoga, the Yoga of Awareness, consists of simple yogic techniques that can be enjoyed by everyone, no matter his or her age or physical ability. It is a complete science that includes breath (pranayam), yoga postures (asanas), sound, chanting (mantra) and meditation. It is designed to provide you with the experience of your highest consciousness through the raising of your Kundalini.
Kundalini Yoga is a potent and effective system of self-transformation and personal development. Kundalini Yoga stimulates individual growth through systematic techniques that strengthen the nervous system and balance the glandular system (the guardians of health), for increased stability and vitality. Meditation improves mental concentration, sharpens awareness and give the direct experience of consciousness. Kundalini Yoga encompasses and draws from all yogic systems and techniques'
Kundalini is a vast reservoir of natural energy that lies dormant in the root chakra in most people, until ‘activated’. This activation is a process: it happens naturally and slowly as we evolve. But the process of evolution can be accelerated through disciplined spiritual practice. When the kundalini ‘awakens’, our consciousness changes: we become much more aware. Kundalini yoga aids this process, the breathing exercises stimulate the flow of energy. As a transformational massage therapist, I am all about revealing the brilliance that within all of us by gradually facilitating the release of trauma, caused by the ego from the tissues in the body. I am all about transformational work. It is said that in Kundalini yoga 'The breath work within the kriyas is so powerful that it starts to strip away the layers that veil our consciousness' Just incredible! Our Yoga teacher said that Russell Brand had called Kundalini yoga, the crack cocaine of yoga, and I can see why!! I have since been to another three classes and have researched becoming a teacher, something I always do when I find something I love and resonate with, I want to know everything about it and teach it! If you are into numerology my life path number is 1 so you can see why!! The second class I went to shook me up a bit, made me realise a few things about myself, made me question my thinking about the barriers I put up in relationships and how when I check out reality the situation is very different to what I had in my head, powerful stuff. Todays class was fantastic, each session has a different focus, I can't for the life of me tell you what the focus of todays class was but I feel great. So I am hooked, I love it, another avenue to help me shed my old self and 'strip away the layers that veil my consciousness' If you live on the Ormskirk area, check out Vicky's Kundalini yogas class, i've added a link to her Facebook page at the bottom of the page. I am sure there is much more to Kundalini yoga than what I have written here and I look forward to learning more about it as I continue my practice.
PS If anybody know's why all Kundalini yoga teachers wear white please let me know!!
Until next time!
Vicky Yoga Facebook page https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100011000413890&fref=ts
For the last 4 years or so I have been totally dedicated to the spiritual path, meditating morning and evening, reading, having regular holistic therapies, writing and singing affirmations, the list goes on. What lead me to find this path was years of being deeply uncomfortable with myself, a spoilt brat, a complainer, never happy in any job, moody, a nightmare of a sister & daughter, snappy & selfish, I was a major pain in the ass!! Then everything just came to a head and the only way I could find to deal with my deep hatred of myself and the world I lived in was to stop eating, I strictly controlled what I ate and lost weight quickly, I had anorexia. At the same time I became physically ill and It felt like life was just too much, I was desperately unhappy, small situations at work became to much for me to handle, I was stressed beyond belief, I was on the brink of a meltdown. Then somebody at work, who was a reiki master, gave me a book by Lorna Byrne called Stairways to heaven and that book changed my life. I began to ask for help from the angels (I had never believed in angels before but I needed help so thought what the heck) and then my spiritual path unfolded before me in quite a dramatic way. I stared going for reiki sessions to help myself get better, I met another person in work who was on the spiritual path who gave me suggestions of other books I could read and I was away. I would scour the self help section of any bookshop looking for anything that resonated with me (Louise Hay – You can heal your life was a massive help) I read anything I could get my hands on about the law of attraction and spiritual development. I became a self help junkie and yes I did all of the excercises in the books, I knew there was more to life than what I had been experiencing. I began to meditate. I went on workshops, I used affirmations, gradually I began to get better, I began to feel good about myself and my life. I learnt to love myself and to cut a very long story short (another blog maybe) I to started to eat properly again, I trained to be a holistic therapist, I quit my job and set up my own business, marvellous!! I am on the road to happiness!
So after 4 years of devotion to stripping back the layers, retraining my thoughts into better ones, discovering more about myself, learning to have faith & to trust in the universe, learning that the divine is within me, within all of us, that we are all one, that I am powerful beyond measure as we all are, that I can manifest my dreams, to love wholeheartedly, comes the 'wobble' It was actually 'wobble Wednesday' that turned into 'Wobble week' It started with an angel card reading that i do for myself regularly and the fact that i've had a quiet few weeks in work, no new clients, no enquiries for reiki training, nothing exciting happening, the angel card I had drawn was forgiveness, I have done a lot of forgiveness work so was slightly confused, have I not done enough? But who angels do I need to forgive? I asked, and the answer that came back loud and clear was– YOU! So I soon realised that I hadn't forgiven myself for being horrible to my sister and mum, I remember a time when I was about 7 years old and my younger sister was about 3 we were having a picture taken and my mum said “hold your sisters hand” but I didn't want to because she had eczema and her hand felt all scratchy. I always felt bad about that but I was 7 and her hand did feel scratchy!! Why do we beat ourselves up over such silly things? So I wrote a letter of forgiveness to myself, I let the feelings of guilt go, I actually wrote 3 letters another 2 forgiving myself for being a horrid spoilt brat to my mum and then I burnt them. Adios to the guilt, I let it all go, it felt good, like a weight had been lifted.
Then the wobble started, I began to feel vibrationally low, I had re trained myself into feeling vibrationally good, grateful & joyous but I did not feel this way, I felt low and down and flat – I am not used to feeling this way, I cried out to the angels,why do I feel this way? Then I began to get frustrated a few days of feeling like this did not feel good at all, I was tired, I was not feeling grateful, I was future tripping, why is my business so quiet? My business is supposed to be expanding and on top of that I was unsure on where my business was heading, what do I do next angels? No answer.
Deep frustration set in so a conversation with the creator was required, it wasn't really a conversation It was me sat in my treatment room at work during an previously unheard of gap between clients, shouting WHY GOD? WHY DOES EVERYBODY ELSE GET WHAT THEY WANT AND I DONT?? I NEED A SIGN TO SHOW ME IF I'M ON THE RIGH PATH, I NEED A SIGN NOW, I HAVE DONE ALL THIS SPIRITAUL WORK AND HERE I AM GOING NOWHERE. WHY DO I FEEL SO HORRIBLE? There where a few pillows nearby so they got the battering of their life. Did I feel any better, no, oh dear.
I was tired so I tried to get more sleep, but I still felt flat, my friend and I had heard of Kundalini yoga class so we went along. My next blog will be about this unusual experience as it was very different to a regular Hatha yoga class. I was yawning all the way through the class, what is a spiritual soldier to do mid wobble? So the very unusual yoga class finished, my friend loved it, I was very unsure, a bit too much arm waving and funny music for me, I went to bed early. The next morning I felt like a different person, I stepped out of bed and said thank you, I bounded around the house shouting my affirmations, I felt alive, I felt great, I AM BACK!! Phew, I was beginning to worry there that all this spiritual practice had gone to waste and i was never going to feel good ever again. That day I also had a gap between clients but I didn't feel like my world was going to end because of it, I meditated I wrote a list of things to put in my wish box. I came up with the idea for this blog, I feel clearer, I am still on track, I feel better than I did before. So what happened?
When we clear out the emotional baggage there has to be a shift, a shift in energy and perception. I think the arm waving yoga class helped me release this pent up energy & frustration. I had forgiven myself and for some reason this dip made things that were not great feel terrible. Being quiet in work and struggling with the direction of my business had made me feel super frustrated, but now I no longer feel I need to be in control, I let go and I hand everything over to a power much greater than I. I thought I had already done this but it wasn't enough. I needed to let go some more. I have realised I need to take more care of myself to get more rest. I learnt that from the wobble comes more clarity, I am full of energy yet I am calm, I have become clearer on my goals. I had lost sight of 'the present' and what amazing things I have accomplished over the last 4 years. When I think of the things I wrote about in my letters they do not make me feel bad anymore,I have released the attachment to the feelings I used to feel when I thought about these events, now they are just things that happened in my past, no longer things that happened that made me feel guilty, bad, ashamed of myself. I do not get that tight ball in my stomach that signifies not good feeling, a feeling of guilt about who I was many years ago. Was the wobble because of the forgivness work? Who knows, I'm pretty sure that when we have a wobble like this we step up on the spiritual ladder, to move forwards we need to clear out some rubbish and make space for more light. I am grateful for these past experiences for they have made me who I am today.
Wobble Wednesday or week may come again but I will recognise this and accept it for what it is, it is growth, a shift. All of us on this spiritual path have them. A fabulous quote a heard today is - 'The wound is the place where the light enters you' – Rumi. I was wounded and another small aspect of my psyche is healed. How do you pick yourself up from a wobble? I think it's individual, ask the angels, do a card reading, look for the signs, go to a crazy kundalini yoga class, talk to a like minded friend, take a walk in nature, It will come to an end and this is how growth occurs, release the old patterns and look for miracles. Wobbles are good, even though they don't feel like it at the time, let that stuff go, let go of the guilt, of feeling bad about a situation that happened, it does not serve you, move onwards, move upwards be the best you can be, keep on spiritual soldier, keep on the world needs your light.